What it is, is a problem

Or, November in review with 5 books, soup recipes, and suggestions for SAD season

Dec 03, 2024

November may have upset February as my least favorite month. The election of course played its role, but also the strong supporting cast of darkness (in more ways than one), spiraling, cold, and burnout. Meanwhile, Christmas has been waiting to burst on the scene like the Kool-Aid man. In the wise words of Samantha Irby, “wow, no thank you.” It all made for a long month on edge.

For example, at work a leader used the phrase “it is what it is” in response to a less than ideal situation. That phrase, it jolted me into a spiral. I thought, that’s not good enough. It encourages a dismissive acceptance without room for change. I know there are some things we have to accept and move on with, but when it’s something that impacts your daily life and values… Well, that type of apathetic throwing up of hands behavior is what I feel has led us to where we are culturally and politically.

Later, I realized another reason why that phrase may have triggered such a response. I’ve been listening to Rachel Chinouriri on repeat. Her song It Is What It Is continues the phrase, “…what it is, is a problem.” The song is about a man treating her wrong, but I think we can copy and paste the lessons she arrives at in the lyrics to other areas. Labeling the thing as a problem, not accepting bad behavior, how difficult it can be to value ourselves, and how important supportive friendships are in helping along the way.1

So back to that list at the start, those are problems, and in interest of acting with values and support, here’s how I’m facing them:

Darkness (literal)
Perhaps my best winter/SAD tip: Buy a disco ball. I get a spark of joy every time the sun hits my disco ball planter. It truly never gets old. I know I should reframe, embrace the hygge, but for now I’m prioritizing dancing around the kitchen with my disco ball and getting outside when the sun is actually shining.

Darkness (figurative)
I’m not going to recap the horrors of the news cycle this past month. After spending one November weekend letting the SAD get me, I recognized one of the things I can work on is making plans with other people. I’m used to doing things alone, and enjoy it — but when it’s only me I can easily back out of plans — when what I really need is to get out in the world.

Spiraling
Just like in 2016, it can be a struggle to know where to turn your attention — there is so much, it feels overwhelming. I’m trying to come back to my values and my people. What are the issues that are important to me? How can I show up to serve them? How can I show up differently or more actively for the issues I’m already working on? How can I take care of my people, make them feel safe and supported? If you’re here, chances are you care about books so I highly recommend

Emily Amick

’s recent post on How to Fight Book Bans. Reading Hope in the Dark (see below) also helped, as did volunteering in my community packing Thanksgiving meals.

Cold
I have Raynaud’s syndrome so finding ways to best manage the cold is critical to my health and takes up a lot of my time and energy. Hot tea, movement, and I’m working on my winter uniform. I’ve learned base layers make the biggest difference.

Burnout
I know I’m not the only one feeling the “here we go again” of the season, of the next four years. Have I increased the amount of times I’ve listened to Break My Soul this month? Exponentially! The work of letting go of people pleasing continues as I evaluate what I can opt-out of and push back on. Mindful media consumption is also key.

Let me know how you’re coping with winter/holiday/end of year/capitalism/upcoming administration problems. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to some of the sparkle, traditions, and lightness December can bring and hope you are too. If this season lands hard for you, I hope you take the care you need.

I have a full playlist with the songs featured in these monthly recaps.

On to the recaps…

Answers in the pages

Family Family, Laurie Frankel

“When she started breathing again, India wondered if it was possible to refall in love with someone based on parenthesis usage alone.”

Frankel aims to give us the stories of adoption that are often untold, those that are not full of pain and regret. I’m not one to throw around the word heartwarming much, but with a charming cast of characters and commentary on the definition of family, that’s exactly what this book is. I especially enjoyed India, the main character. She’s sharp with a dry sense of humor and lovable quirks, including a deep dedication to index cards and always having a pocketful of confetti. The story reads a bit like a “This Is Your Life” episode with India forced to revisit and explain decisions — and loves — from her past.

Adam & Evie’s Matchmaking Tour, Nora Nguyen

"Home has never been just a location for her; not Midland, not Vietnam, not even San Francisco. It's the people. The rituals. The sense of safety, knowing that you can be as strange and messy as you need to, and still, there will be a place for you."

What a fun book to escape to this month! I loved the descriptions of the Vietnamese scenery and food to take me away. As you can tell from the title, the main characters embark on a matchmaking tour, but with no plans to pursue love. Of course, fate takes over. You have the tropes of grumpy/sunshine and different worlds, but scenery and romance aren’t all you get with this book. There’s working through the layers of grief as well as finding the bravery to embark on a path of self-discovery. Pick this one up for a little sunshine and spice this winter.

Hope in the Dark, Rebecca Solnit

“Joy doesn’t betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated, and isolated, joy is a fine initial act of insurrection.”

Originally published in 2004, Solnit shines light on successful tales of activism to inspire hope and action. At times, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness on the lack of progress or moves backward, but Solnit addresses those feelings, with reminders that: “it’s the belief that what we do matters even though how and when it may matter, who and what it may impact, are not things we can know beforehand.” And, “wars will break out, the planet will heat up, species will die out, but how many, how hot, and what survives depend on whether we act.”

The story that stuck with me the most was a woman from Women Strike for Peace, an antinuclear org, sharing how foolish and futile she had felt, part of a small group protesting in the rain at the Kennedy White House. Years later, the leading activist on the issue said that the turning point for him getting involved had been seeing a small group of women protesting in the rain one morning. “If they were so passionately committed, he thought, he should give the issue more consideration himself.” You can get this one as a free ebook from Haymarket books.

Beautyland, Marie-Helene Bertino

“When it was time to decide the official food of movie-watching, human beings did not go for Fig Newtons or caramel, foods that are silent, but popcorn, the loudest sound on Earth.”

I absolutely loved this book. The story follows alien Alina through her lifespan as she reports back to her home planet (using a fax machine) on humankind. Her observations cover culture, family, friendship, food, love, trust, class, dogs, mean girls, and so many facets of everyday life. Set in Philadelphia and New York, it’s a celebration of just that, everyday life — the beauty and wonder that can be found, as well as the absurdity, but also an acknowledgement of its hardships through sadness and cruelty. All at once quirky, heartbreaking, and heartwarming, this is a book so good it warrants a big happy sigh when finished.

Sea of Tranquility, Emily St. John Mandel

“Our anxiety is warranted, and it’s not unreasonable to suggest that we might channel that anxiety into fiction, but the problem with that theory is, our anxiety is nothing new. When have we ever believed that the world wasn’t ending?”

I picked this up on a whim at the library, having never read the author but hearing nothing but praise. I didn’t know what I was getting into and it was quite the journey through space and time. Visiting 1912 through 2401, you’ll feel the stress of many of our 2024 plights — pandemics, climate change and loneliness. I’m in awe of that master storytelling ability required to map out a book like this.

Answers in the kitchen: At least it’s soup season

This sweet potato soup is a go-to soup, I skip the bacon and use veg stock.
Tried this crockpot cauliflower potato soup, it’s a winner!

Answers from writers: Wisdom around us for this moment

“If I’m honest, I’ll say that community is probably too big a word for me just now. But another word keeps echoing in my mind, one that feels truer and more attainable. Rootedness. I want to root into the life I’m making. I’m called to go deeper, rather than wider, into my relationships. And I want to find the patience to understand that the tender shoots that arise from the roots, the ones that strain toward the sun, will be transformation enough.”
Thao Thai
,
Wallflower Chats

“We are the safe space, I wrote. You and I, and all the Americans who share our commitment to what is right and good—we will find the hope. First, we will grieve. Soon, in big and small ways, we will organize.”
Connie Schultz
,
Hopefully Yours

“Grief is like an anvil, whether it’s for a person, a relationship, or a country: grief for what you dreamed was possible, and then were shaken awake from that dream.”
Maggie Smith
,
For Dear Life with Maggie Smith

Thanks for reading Answers in the Pages! Help me grow this tiny corner of the internet by sharing with someone who could use their own personal disco ball.