Resisting the urge to skate away in the new year
On rituals, books I read in December, and a few joyful recommendations
Happy New Year! Yes, I think it’s perfectly acceptable to continue this as a greeting all week. Despite the salutation, in conversations recently the common thread was: Not ready.
Not ready for a return to work. Not ready for the cold weather. Not ready for the inauguration. Overall, not ready for what this month brings. I get it and I’ve been anticipating it, we’ve been here before. During the in-between week I made a list of “January Joys,” to have some go-tos when I need a lift. On my list: Visiting the art museum, hosting a plant swap, strolling an antique mall.
Knowing this uneasy feeling would be coming, I’ve also been thinking about another winter copying strategy, rituals. While spring and summer thrive with a sense of spontaneity, winter demands the grounding that can be found in rituals. Without them, we’re left with a fleeting sense—to escape to someplace warmer, to resent the season as a whole. In the saddest holiday song ever, Joni Mitchell’s River, she sings about wishing to have “a river to skate away on.” She’s talking about loneliness, but I think the sentiment to skate away this time of year is felt by many of us. Whether it’s because of loneliness, anxiety, or just the dread of the cold. But instead of skating away, I think the power of ritual can help us embrace the season.
In Don’t Overthink It, Anne Bogel writes of using rituals:
“A ritual unites the rhythm of routine with focused attention—a powerful combination for avoiding overthinking. It’s hard to overthink when we are focused on the moment. The ritual also forces us to slow down—when we deliberately slow our bodies, we slow our minds as well.”
And winter is the time to slow. Last year, I read Katherine May’s Wintering and she wrote of using rituals to embrace winter and the idea of treasuring the darkness. In a speaking engagement she continued that message:
“(Ritual) might draw attention to cyclical time, to the way that things come around again and again,” May said. “That helps us to think about change, about how far we’ve come, about what we’ve lost.”
So how do you craft your own rituals? Bogel shares that it’s less about the action, and more about the mindset. One of the examples she gives is taking Friday pizza night as a ritual to welcome the weekend with celebration. Another example, using your morning coffee time to practice gratitude. Here are some of the winter rituals I’ve crafted over time:
Pancakes for dinner during the first measured snowfall. It’s a way to celebrate the season, have a treat, and mentally welcome cozy days ahead.
Coffee and morning pages. For the winter I’ve changed the setting to my warm bed (a heated mattress pad is key to this). It eliminates distraction and reinforces that it’s time just for me.
Overnight oats and intentions. I make a batch of overnight oats each week and I take comfort in the warmth, smell, and repetition. I think about the week ahead—from what I will add to the oatmeal throughout the week, to how how I want to feel.
With rituals in mind, I hope this month brings some gentleness and slowing your way—and with it a feeling of being more prepared for the days to come.
I’d love to know, do you have any winter rituals? Are there any you’d like to add?
Answers in the Pages
The Christmas Orphans Club, Becca Freeman
Put this one on your holiday read list, it was such a lovely story of friendship love. You’ll follow along with Hannah and Finn, from their first Christmas in college and throughout the years as they celebrate with offbeat adventures. There’s riding in a Christmas float, sampling hamburgers, drag shows, candy cane martinis, and adding a couple of more orphans along the way. While mostly festive and cherry, Hannah and Finn are brought together through their difficult family circumstances. As the years pass, they’re forced to navigate feelings around those circumstances, along with the tensions of how friendships must evolve—through career and relationships. Together they learn just because it may not look the same, their friendship can continue to be strong.
Before the Coffee Gets Cold, Toshikazu Kawaguchi
“Sometimes life is stranger than fiction, but sometimes it's incomparable in other ways. Sometimes it's heaven that the false fire of imagination could never capture.”
A cozy magical realism read with interconnected stories taking place in a time traveling coffee shop. There are a set of rules for anyone who decides to take a trip: there’s one seat, no leaving it, you can’t change the past, and you must return to the present before the coffee gets cold. It’s slow, bittersweet read that would be good to work through on cold winter days. (With a cup of coffee, of course.)
Big Fan, Alexandra Romanoff
“Because I think it’s a good reminder that the passions of young girls are worth nurturing no matter how frivolous they may seem.”
My favorite trope is celebrity/normal person so this spoke to me—and I think it will for anyone growing up in the boy band era. Set in the world of politics, following a very public divorce, the main character is connected with her teenage crush on professional pretenses but obviously, romance ensues. I’m eager to see what comes from this new publishing imprint. I love the idea of romance novellas you can enjoy in one sitting. Also, they have great merch.
If you like the idea of novellas, but romance isn’t your bag, check out Storybook ND from New Directions.
The Jolliest Bunch, Danny Pellegrino
“So much holiday imagery is thrown at young people, and they're expected to understand how Jesus and Santa are both somehow the leading men of Christmas.”
Another one for your holiday list. As promised on the cover, this is full of unhinged holiday stories, the best kind of stories! You’ll get tales of inflatables being stabbed, a deranged cross-country car trip with a stranger, meltdowns over traditions, and an ill-fated case of the munchies. It’s not all Jessica Simpson edible glitter, though. You’ll also get reflections on body image, parental love, and coming out.
Telephone, Percival Everett *Favorite book of December*
"The world is around us. It's always changing. Sometimes it takes millions of years to see it." Sometimes seconds."
An enthralling read from start to finish. The main character is a professor, a man pulled in many directions—the politics of his academic world, full of love and wonder for his daughter, relationship challenges, and a new intrigue over a mysterious note received with a shirt purchased online. All of these start to spin out of control. Tensions between colleagues and students—professionally, romantically. At home, his daughter begins to have a seizures and he and his wife embark on a journey to understand her illness. Meanwhile, he receives another mysterious note that always seems to be at the back of his mind. It’s filled with intrigue, heartbreak, and Everett’s signature razor sharp humor. I’m looking forward to reading more of Everett’s catalog this year.
A Reason to See You Again, Jami Attenberg
“How am I supposed to feel about being alone? Is it like a sweater I put on, do I sink into the comfort of the feeling, that state of being by myself? Or am I supposed to reach out to someone else? To achieve a different state? She wanted to know, was this feeling she was having right?"
A multigenerational story of family dysfunction focused on mother-daughter and sister relationships. It explores the different paths family takes. Each of the women carries secrets, grudges, and anger. It was a heavy read, with the matriarch’s cruelty. The bond between one of the sister’s and her niece was a welcomed reprieve.
Commonwealth, Ann Patchett
"Life, Teresa knew by now, was a series of losses. It was other things too, better things, but the losses were as solid and dependable as the earth itself."
Really a cautionary tale of what happens when someone shows up to a party with a bottle of gin. I kid. It’s Patchett at her best, telling complicated family stories. This one spans decades, how two families are woven together, through divorce, tragedy, and who owns their stories of loss, guilt, and loyalty.
Answers elsewhere: Sparks of joy
Watch: Man on the Inside (Netflix) was a heartwarming watch I finished in one evening. Ted Danson is adrift as a retired widower and answers a classified ad for an “investigative assistant, male aged 75-85.” He’s hired by a PI to go undercover at a nursing home to look into a theft. I quickly fell in love with the cast of quirky and crabby residents. I also like how it explored parent-child relationships and working through the hard stuff.
Eat: After all the delicious holiday food, this kale couscous salad was a nice reset.
Make: I spent sometime with my watercolors and made cards to send out, two things I’d like to have more of this year—creativity and connection.
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I'm currently thinking about winter rituals as well. I do not thrive during the cold dark seasons, having some comforting practices is helpful. I'm a big fan of a heated blanket and flannel sheets and I absolutely take some time for coffee and reading first thing in the morning (usually with a book light this time of year), I enjoy a cup of afternoon tea again with some reading time if I can swing it, and I enjoy diffusing essential oil blends during the day and then lighting a candle in the evening. It's like my winter version of having the windows open for fresh air during the warm months (I miss fresh air and open windows!)
Heather, thanks for your comment on Culture Study. We have so much to talk about!!! Before the coffee gets cold has been stalking me for years—it’s everywhere. Top of my list for when my winter book buying ban lifts. Also really liked Big Fan even though I’m not yet enamored by romance (just tried an Emily Henry and felt it was sooo long and the dialog didn’t do it for me). I also love that you loved Commonwealth and I’m currently listening to a Percival Everett book! I’ll have to come back and read more of your work, our tastes must clearly be aligned!