Love is embarrassing
Olivia Rodrigo says so and I have the morning pages to prove it
Heartbreak. It’s the worst, isn’t it? And specifically, the heartbreak over possibility. It’s also unifying, we can all easily recall the feeling—whether it’s romantic, a friendship, missing out on a career opportunity, or maybe even something material like not getting the house or apartment you had already pictured yourself in. Because it’s exactly that, where the heartbreak stems from—some piece of what we had imagined and started to love for ourselves is not coming true. And, like Olivia says, it’s embarrassing. (Okay, this is probably especially true for recovering perfectionists.) Whether the vision was just in your head, or your morning pages, or if it was a very public, everyone knew and now they know it’s not—you were all in on this vision.
Here’s the thing though, as much as you had this future in your mind, you probably also had a piece of intuition telling you maybe it isn’t right. Somewhere there was a flutter, a spark, that maybe the job won’t make you happy, maybe it turns out that the house, despite its character, is a money trap—and speaking of character, maybe it turns out that new person’s character doesn’t align with your values after all.
All of this to say, experiencing a bit of heartbreak recently is what finally sold me on the morning pages (I have one week left of the 12-week course The Artist’s Way where three pages of daily free-writing is the central exercise). During week nine, one of the tasks was to look back at the morning pages for the first time. (And The Artist’s Way would have me believe that the exercise and my heartbreak were divinely timed.) Right in black and white, one sentence at a time, I could see how my intuition each day hinted at what was to come. It was helpful to revisit those reflections, to reawaken and feel confident in leaning into the intuition.
I’m all in now, writing my three pages each day. Combined with the weekly assigned tasks, over the past few months a few of my biggest takeaways have been: finding encouragement and frameworks to try new things, exploring my inspiration, thinking about ways to nurture myself, shedding limiting beliefs, and reconnecting with my core values. As I head into this final week I’m looking forward to reflecting on the full course and most of all, moving forward with the lessons learned along the way—perhaps most of all that creativity (like this newsletter), requires vulnerability, and that’s not embarrassing at all.
On to the recaps…
Answers in the pages
We All Want Impossible Things, Catherine Newman
"All I'm trying to say is that I'm the kind of person who would bring an unsanctioned corned-beef sandwich onto a spaceship. And also: The Pringles were a bad idea."
Sad girl fiction with dark humor and flawed, lovable characters centered around friendship is my ideal genre. Weirdly, it’s not a usual bookstore section. This was exactly that. You may cry, it’s a love story to a lifelong friendship as one character enters hospice—but you’ll also laugh with Newman’s incredibly human characters sharing the truth of what we experience when we face grief. The morbid thoughts, good intentions gone awry (see: Pringles mention above), the hard feelings, the terribleness of it all alongside a season of change and how the grief shapes us.
I’ll Have What She’s Having: How Nora Ephron’s Three Iconic Films Saved The Romantic Comedy, Erin Carlson
"The thing I liked about working in these movies with Nora is that they were about grown-ups," says Tom. "They're about adults who had already witnessed bitter compromise, some degree of pain, varying degrees of loss, and they weren't the kind of people who were hoping aliens will make their lives happy. They had gone through something and knew what it was like to be alone. They also knew what it was like to be with someone they were not meant to be with. And that's grown-up stuff."
A must read for any Nora or romantic comedy fan. This was one of my lunch break audio books and such a joy to listen to. The author does an amazing job covering everything about the movies: the casting, crew, development, but also the current events swirling around at the time, and what was happening in the personal lives of the cast and Nora. It also covers the pressure she was under and how she forged a path for women filmmakers. I rewatched When Harry Met Sally after being reminded of so many spectacular tiny details in the book. And then upon confirming it’s a perfect film, I rewatched it again—all in one weekend.
Don’t Overthink It, Anne Bogel
“When we’re overthinking, the easiest thing to do is keep overthinking. To stop the cycle, we need to interrupt these thought patterns, and we can do that by taking a small step in the right direction. Then it becomes easier to take another right step, and another.”
Another lunch break audio book, because heartbreak can make you go on a bit of a personal growth bender. This had so many great, easy, approachable tips that you don’t have to undergo a personality change to implement. First up, don’t label yourself as an “overthinker,” it’s a behavior—you find yourself overthinking. One of my biggest takeaways: limit the source. With the internet, options are endless! Limit one yourself to one place. I needed some storage containers so I looked to see what was available at Target, because it’s closest to me, and not the myriad of options. I could go on and on, but if you feel like adulting is a life-sentence of decision fatigue, pick this one up and let’s talk after.
The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store, James McBride
“But American History is not meant to be pretty. It is plain. It is simple. It is strong and truthful. Full of blood. And guts. And war.”
Do you ever finish reading a book and you’re just in awe of the author and how their brain mapped out the story and unfolded it in such a compelling way? That’s how I felt about this one (and the book below). McBride is a masterful storyteller, and the layers and interconnectedness of this story made me want to pick up his other books.
This Is How You Lose The Time War, Max Gladstone, Amal El-Mohtar
"I sought loneliness when I was young. You've seen me there: on my promontory, patient and unaware. But when I think of you, I want to be alone together. I want to strive against and for. I want to live in contact. I want to be a context for you, and you for me."
Not being a frequent reader of science-fiction, this was hard to get into at first, and inspired some bizarre end-of-the world dreams—but was ultimately a good reminder of reading outside of your typical genres. Once I found a rhythm I enjoyed the prose unfolding through love letters and some fun and subtle pop culture references. Also, the author acknowledgements:
"Books are letters in bottles, cast into the waves of time, from one person trying to save the world to another. Keep reading. Keep writing. Keep fighting. We're all still here.”
Answers in the kitchen
My oven is currently on strike and it’s been too hot to turn it on anyways, so mostly there have been a lot of easy salads and grilling recipes.
Salmon picatta from this cookbook and and the chicken burgers from this one.
The Bear is back and I marked the occasion with this omelet.
Big veggie salads for lunches:
This version of the apparently famous Jennifer Aniston salad
Quinoa edamame salad (I skip the crispy part, unnecessary step IMO)
I bought a pizza stone and consider this your announcement, it’s the summer of grilled pizzas:
Answers outside
Answers in the heartbreak
I recommend sweating to this Peloton ride and this MadFit dance workout.
Trust the Spotify algorithm for a quick fix, whether you need a “Summer throwback” playlist to laugh and be reminded of LFO’s Summer Girls, or if “Angry breakup” mix is more your speed, they have your back.