Finding solid ground together
Quality connection and solidarity in hard times, 6 book reviews, and recommendations for goodness
For as challenging as the start to 2025 has been, I find myself recognizing and holding on to simple moments of gratitude. After a long stretch of frigid temperatures and ice-covered pavement, simply having two feet on solid ground was cause for celebration.
Last week as the ice and snow continued to melt, I ventured out to nearby parks for a change of scenery. Sometimes I enjoyed clear paths and sunshine streaming through the clouds. Other times, I was surprised by a chilling wind or path that was still treacherous, covered in snow and ice, uneven by others who had dared the trek before me.
And wow, does that all feel like a metaphor for life right now. Or, maybe always. There are parts of life that leave you feeling confident, on steady ground, only to be surprised by slippery terrain. Sometimes, progress is made; and sometimes, despite best intentions, we make a mess of it.
Finding the actions, people, and things that make us feel solid are essential in the path forward amidst the chaos. I’ve shared rituals and habits that help me; but in combination of trying to be the independent woman Destiny’s Child wanted me to be, and my introverted tendencies, I don’t think I always give people enough credit.
Conversations this month have been vulnerable, sharing in despair, looking for hope—it’s so important to have this connection, to share we’re not facing all this alone, there’s solidarity. We can share the resources and actions that are helping us break out of spirals. I’ve heard how friends are finding new places of community and learned about neighbors creating art. This entire piece from
was fantastic, and this was one of many passages that stuck with me:“The Surgeon General tells us that half of American adults are experiencing serious loneliness. And solving this epidemic isn't just about the quantity of people in our lives. It's about the quality of our connections and, most importantly, the meaning we create together.”
Quality. Over the past few months, when friends, co-workers, acquaintances, or even strangers have said something that made me pause and feel seen, I jotted them down. I’ve long forgotten the original intent—but looking back I can see how the comments marked a quality interaction—in a world where so much conversation revolves around the perfunctory use of “fine” or “good,” these moments made me feel that I was living into my values because others took note.
Here’s what made the list:
“How’s your book?” I love when people show interest in my creative pursuits.
“You’re a really attentive listener.” An author during a book signing.
“You’re the GOAT for that email.” Saying the thing no one else will but they’re all thinking.
“THAT granola.” Skipping hello and going straight to acknowledging the granola I made for our last gathering.
“Heather has a mantra I love, ‘aging is a privilege’.” I didn’t even know I had a mantra, but I must say this enough to warrant the claim.
“You’re the queen of second-hand sweaters.” Truly, ready to hold court in this royal dynasty.
Revisiting these moments, I realized I was able to grow these into even more meaningful connections: Getting to know a co-worker more, reaching out to interview the author, sharing recipes and follow-up notes with friends, and receiving creative encouragement.
This month, I hope you find moments of quality solidarity and connection, whether it be through books, actions, or some great granola.
Answers in the pages
Parakeet, Marie-Helene Bertino
"He is still speaking to the me I was earlier in the week, who hadn't yet encountered her avian grandmother, fought herself and lost, been sistered, occupied space within her mother."
Beautyland was my top read of 2024, so starting off the year with Marie-Helene Bertino felt right. I mean, who among us hasn’t had one of those weeks where we’re visited by our dead grandmother in the form of a bird or woken up inhabiting our mother’s body? Like Beautyland, the story centers around a main character who operates on the fringes. She acts as an observer in her own life in the days leading up to her wedding. Through each encounter—at work, with a friend, family, buying a replacement wedding dress—her experiences of trauma, grief, and estrangement are revealed. Bertino balances these heavy experiences with a dry wit and masterful revealing of the story.
recently declared herself a Bertino Babe and I’m more than happy to be part of the club.The Collected Schizophrenias, Esmé Weijun Wang
“...a primary feature of the experience of staying in a psychiatric hospital is that you will not be believed about anything. A corollary to this feature: things will be believed about you that are not at all true.”
A friend shared this book with me months ago but it sat untouched, I feared the heaviness of the subject. While it was heavy at times, it was a valuable read. The author illuminates aspects of living with mental illness, the biases she experiences along with the uphill battles against institutions, from higher education to health care. As a reader, you go along her journey, from diagnoses through exploration of treatments. As someone who worked in the mental health space briefly, it had me questioning how patients are viewed in our current systems and advocacy work.
What if We Get it Right? Visions of Climate Futurism, Ayana Elizabeth Johnson
“It is not about the glory. It’s about the ripples. This is what progress often looks like: success without rewards.”
With over 20 interviews, this was an incredible audio book (a finalist for the Audie Awards). While it was hard to listen knowing the current administration will make “getting it right” incredibly challenging, it was hopeful learning from the wide spectrum of climate advocates. The conversations focused on the work being done, balancing discussion of the challenges, along with hopeful visions of the future. An excellent interviewer, Johnson approaches each conversation with curiosity and joy, leaving you ready to do the work. With topics including entertainment, emergency management, farming, design, AI, divesting, corporations, policy, and more, there’s something for everyone. I hope you’ll pick this one up or give it a listen.
Happy All The Time, Laurie Colwin *Top read of January*
“Guido believed in the meaning and integrity of gestures. Holly's habits, her rituals, her opinions stood for the way she felt about the world—they expressed some grand conception of life and the placement of things in it.”
Well, it seems I have another another author to add to my backlist quest. Reading my first Colwin had me questioning what the hell I’ve been doing with my life. I was madly, deeply in love with these characters—especially the women! They are prickly, vibrant, funny, certain in their uncertainty; the type of complex characters I always want. It’s a book I would put in the “no plot, just vibes” category, focusing on how marriage—and adult friendship is, “a series of small events.” These events include meeting family and friends over dinner parties, refusals to get used to marriage expressed through solo trips to France and a monastery, and a group fishing trip.
Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller
“He said what he meant; he was puzzled if you did not. Some people might have mistaken this for simplicity. But is it not a sort of genius to cut always to the heart?”
This reimagining of The Illiad focuses on the legend of Achilles and his role in the Trojan War. Like Circe, it’s interesting to revisit these characters I haven’t thought much about since days of required reading. Miller brings them to life with the struggles and joys of connection that span across time. It’s an epic adventure with romance woven in that had me quickly turning the pages, but I did like Circe more—the violence in this one was a bit much for me in this season.
Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America, Ijeoma Oluo
“What exactly do people who aren’t white men have that could be more inclusive of white men? We do not have control of our local governments, our national governments, our school boards, our universities, our police forces, our militaries, our workplaces. All we have is our struggle. And yet we are told that our struggle for inclusion and equity—and our celebration of even symbolic steps toward them—is divisive and threatening to those who have far greater access to everything else than we can dream of. If white men are finding that the overwhelmingly white-male-controlled system isn’t meeting their needs, how did we end up being the problem?”
Both of my audio books this month were hard listens, this one especially amid the erasure of DEI work in so many spaces. Despite the pangs of anxiety, I appreciated how thorough this book was. It covers the history of white male identity in the belief of success as power over women and people of color—and how this has been woven in sports, higher ed, politics, and work. Yes, there are obvious examples like the chaos muppet’s first term, but also an exploration of the toxicity of the Bernie bros. Through research, interviews and personal storytelling, this book will most likely leave you angry and wanting more for our future, but in order to do so, we “must stop telling women and people of color that the only path to success lies in emulating white male dominance.”
I think I need light reads in February. Is there anything you’ve loved lately? Let me know!
Answers in the kitchen: Crockpot comfort
You know what a great feeling in the winter is? Coming in from shoveling snow to the smell of soup in the crockpot. I made lemon chicken orzo and lentil soup.
Answers in: Goodness
had an incredible bonus episode of The Stacks for inauguration counterprogramming. She was joined by guest Saeed Jones and they discussed Toni Morrison’s lecture on “Goodness and the Literary Imagination.” The conversation has stuck with me ever since, thinking about goodness as a resource, as an “optimistic inadequacy.” Here are a few places I’ve found goodness recently: This conversation with Kelly Corrigan and Cecile Richards
Speaking of Saeed, an exciting announcement with Maggie Smith
A fundraiser to raise $100,000 in 100 days for Community Refugee & Immigration Services
Tell me, where are you finding goodness?
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I appreciate all of this. And soup in the crock pot during winter is always the right answer.
Loved this. So glad our episode helped you to find your own little smatterings of goodness. So cool.